Beloved,
The light of the Full Moon is a divine design that serves to illuminate what hides in the dark. The purpose of the Full Moon is to make conscious that which is unconscious. It helps us expand into our soul evolution by seeing what’s hidden within ourselves, giving us the opportunity to acknowledge that which wants to be seen to fully integrate all aspects of who we are.
The Full Moon we just experienced on September 13th occurred in Pisces, setting a template of feeling all of the feelings. It’s had me in deep contemplation and reflection over my own long journey this past year of bringing shadow aspects of myself to the light in the name of embracing the wholeness of who I am. I know intellectually the function of this work and how it operates, but it means nothing when you are actually deep in the emotional experience of it. When you are confronted with your shadows and all they bring up and show you about who you are, it is incredibly uncomfortable, challenging, even excruciating, to say the least.
EMBRACING DARKNESS
I know I am not alone in the dissolving of life as I’ve known it. Mine has predominately been an experience of inner dismantling of the self, but it has certainly manifested in my external reality as well. 2019 has been an unprecedented time of collective undoing and my personal experiences really kicked in full force starting last December 2018. Since that time, the universe has continuously worked me to no end. It has been a deeply painful passage filled with grief, confusion, heartbreak, loss, self-doubt, anger, devastation, and struggle to support myself.
In the depths of it, I came to a place of genuine despair. I came to a place of giving up on my guidance and believing I was separate from the Divine. I questioned absolutely every aspect of myself and what this life is and why we are here.
Every possible old wounding has been activated and brought to the surface in this past year, and I found it hard to function many days feeling these feelings so deeply. But I allowed it, and the hardest part of this potent time of dissolving has been giving myself the permission to let go and just be with it as it presented itself. To let go of any need for finding the solutions, the answers, and just let the shadow be my reality. To not rush the process, and instead let myself rest if I was tired, cry if I was hurting, sleep in if I was depressed, and let the stories in my mind play on repeat until they finally lost their power. I would criticize myself for not being productive enough, not working hard enough, not being enough for the world.
But I was deep in an unprecedented unending process and on some level I knew that much. I knew that old karmic cycles were coming up for completion, and my most important work was to be with it, welcome it, see it, feel it. I knew that my greatest work to be done was to prioritize these feelings, this darkness.
I knew on some level that I was being confronted with the most difficult work of embracing these shadow aspects of myself and not denying them, not judging myself in it, and recognizing and honoring their power and necessity as part of my evolution.
The light of this Full Moon has shown me how much has transformed within me this past year. For all the tears I’ve shed this past year, this deeply feeling Pisces Moon was interestingly unemotional for me. Instead I felt aware of a deep inner shift, an advancement. The path before me remains unknown, but now I feel newfound peace + trust as I move forward one step at a time. I feel newfound strength within from embracing my shadow this past year. I have come into greater wholeness, and a willingness and readiness to take my work to new levels. I feel something new opening within. A new light empowered by the dark it emerges from, the dark that makes the light the brightest it’s been yet.
It’s a new seeing of the same light within me that was incredibly hard to see so much of this past year yet has been with me all the while. Sometimes there would be just a glimpse of this light for a moment within an entire day, but it was always there patiently awaiting to be seen, and would always spark through the vehicle of some form of self-care.
I feel my greatest work in moving directly through the open eye of darkness has been showing up for myself every single day. The letting go, the shadow work, the surrender, the self-care… It’s all been part of the process and has helped me arrive where I am now, which is a brand new place of potential and greater expanse of love for myself. I still don’t know what the future holds or what life will look like for me moving forward, but I do know that I will come into what’s next from the strongest possible foundation of self-love that has been exercised and expanded upon like never before.
SELF-CARE AS THE GUIDING LIGHT
These are some of my foundational tools that have been of greatest support through the darkest days:
Meditation + Yoga: No matter how painful it might’ve felt to start the day, I've always honored my meditation and yoga practice. I have not missed a single day of my devotional morning practice this past challenging year. I owe so much of my ability to work through suffering to these spiritual practices. Meditation always does something beneficial, even if I’m totally distracted the whole time. Yoga brings me into my body, and moves energy. The self-discipline required to maintain these practices through challenging times has strengthened my inner core, and over time I’ve found myself in advanced states of practice without even intending to do so. Coming into a state of presence and peace even if only for a moment during an hour practice makes showing up for myself completely worth it every day.
Supportive Friends and Facilitators: I have been surrounded and blessed by supportive humans throughout my journey. If loving friends aren’t around for me to connect with, I seek out the guidance and support of remote resources by listening to astrologers, wisdom keepers, and all-around healing voices. I’ve also learned to honor the signs I’m given when I need to process on my own.
Nature: The Sun, the Earth, the Moon, all of the plants and wild animals that surround me here in the desert all have been holding space for me. Always here, ready to be remembered and called upon for healing energy and always giving their love.
My beloved little lion-in-a-cat’s-body, Meka: The presence of the unconditional love of an animal companion is medicine like nothing else.
Sacred Sound: Sanskrit mantra, pure vocal sound, and my own singing has been deeply powerful medicine for me. The vibrational power of sacred sound is not to be dismissed- it moves and transmutes energy almost immediately. It aligns me with the Divine instantly. I have powerful mantra practices I chant myself daily, and will listen to mantras or healing sounds recorded by others, or will sing without words from my own open heart.
Holding Space: When I am in service to another, I am fully present and in my highest divine state. The gift of the work I do holding ceremony and healing work for others has become healing for myself in the most unexpected of ways. Also, being a supportive presence for another friend going through their own darkness has helped me to align with my own light. Holding space for others helps me to remember I am not alone in this work by any means. We are all in this together, and when someone else is in need of a light, as beautiful humans we are capable of birthing light for another the moment it’s needed.
Loving Nourishment: I’m grateful to have been on a powerful path of healing through foods for many years now and so supporting myself through loving foods is naturally woven into me. My darkest days have been met with loving foods like Cacao, fresh juices, and what I call happy, joyful foods. (And have amusingly discovered my only unlike-me comfort food choice in dark times was store bought hummus.) In times past, juice/water fasting has proven to be deeply healing on an emotional level many many times. This past season, it’s felt more resonate for me to stay with eating food instead of fasting. Due to the chaotic collective energies and my work of holding energetic space for others I’ve benefited from grounding food to best support me during this particular time.
It's important to note that these tools are all aspects of my normal daily life that I’ve already done a lot of work around to anchor into my reality. And I genuinely love all of them. I don’t have to think about most of these things, in many ways I’m just going through my usual motions in utilizing these tools that are inherently healing and self-empowering when it matters the most. So even if I've been an emotional wreck all day, I still do dry skin brushing, speak gratitude for what I have, take a calming bath, and make myself something simple and lovely to eat. And these little things make a big impact on the whole.
And this really is the purpose and power of daily self-care practices, to help you navigate life and all that is out of your control by focusing on that which is within your control through a strong foundation of small, simple daily loving choices.
I hope in sharing a bit of my own truth helps you know you are never alone in your own darkness. It is indeed a journey to come into wholeness, into the authentic truth of beautiful you. It is real work and it is why we are here. Every bit of work we do for ourselves benefits those in our lives, our families, our communities, our collective energies.
It’s by showing up for myself that I’m able to show up for you. And then help you to show up for yourself. :) We are all connected in this process, this journey, this life. We are all in this unknown journey together. May we honor where each of us is at and support each other every step of the way.
As always, if I may be of support to you in any way coming into the fullness of your own truth, it would be my great honor to be in service to you. Please reach out and let me know. And I'd love to hear from you how my words resonated with you today. What are your foundational tools for self-care?
FALL EQUINOX CEREMONY
Cacao + Voice Bath Ceremony
Sunday, September 22nd, 5pm
Desert Hot Springs, CA
In honor of the changing cycles, I am co-creating a powerful celebration of Fall Equinox with exquisite vocalist Odeya Nini. For the last several years, we have come together to create a sacred container for these powerful portals of seasonal change. If you are interested in joining our Cacao + Voice Bath Ceremony, email me for the full details and to RSVP!
WORK WITH ME
If you need help remembering your truth and need support during these transformational times, I am here for you. Womb Chakra Healings help you to clear karma, trauma, and heartbreak and to embody your Divine power, Oracle Readings help you to come into clarity about your path, Sacred Nourishment Sessions help you to strengthen your self-care and spiritual practices, and Cacao Ceremony helps you to access the truth of your heart. Scroll below or visit my website for more info on my offerings.
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Thank you for being here. Thank you for your love and support, and for taking a moment to read my words during this most exciting and activating time of transformation on our beautiful planet. Yes, it's intense. Yes, it's uncharted territory. Yes, so much is coming up individually and collectively. But remember, it's truly a gift to be here at this time.
May every word of this letter bless you with love, peace, and joy.
And so it is. Blessed Be. Jai Ma.
Breathing in love, exhaling in gratitude,
Angela
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
~May all beings in the world be happy and free~