Dear One,
Thank you warmly to all who participated in the Fall Equinox Cacao Ceremony I recently offered. This powerful ceremony was a heartfelt reminder for me of the incredibly loving, kind, and courageous humans that are drawn to my work, and of the great vulnerability- the great strength- that radiates brightly within this open-hearted community. It was affirming of the power of remote ways of connecting and the great healing that takes place when we step into a shared unknown experience together. It was a potent reminder of how important it is to gather our individual energies together with group intention and how much these experiences are needed now.
The last time you heard from me with regularity was back in May, when I was preparing to dive into my 7-week long immersion called Descent Into Truth: A 40-Day Journey of Transformation Guided by Venus. This offering (a guided journey into the Underworld during Venus Retrograde) was my greatest experience yet of entering the unknown, and the great surrender and trust it required on my part. It was a divinely guided offering that sprang through my heart with a force, and it was divinely held every step of the way of the 40+ days.
A beautifully brave group of 28 Initiates came together to surrender to the unknown and journey into the depths of the Underworld to let go of old conditioning and open to the Truth hidden within. The divine timing of this work left me in awe of the mysterious workings of the universe time and again throughout the Descent. It was no coincidence that as we found ourselves in the very midpoint of our process of absolute dissolution/death to who we were before as we intimately traversed our inner Shadow, that the outside world exploded into total breakdown. While the world was in the throes of fire and rage, here we were in a deep process of letting go of limiting personal beliefs, embracing our Shadow, and becoming more and more vulnerable as we stripped away all that was false.
At this climatic point of these inner and outer realms, the mirror of reality, I found myself holding a huge container when I could not so much as hold myself. Here I found myself in the quintessential initiation of ultimate surrender. Here we were in the depths of the Underworld as the outer world turned upside down, and it felt impossible for me to hold space for others. Feeling the great pains of the world breaking down and all that was breaking down within me, at a time I didn’t believe I had the capacity or energy to continue the work I had committed myself to, I showed up for it in the best way I knew how: authentically. I didn’t hide my vulnerability. I let it guide the way. And I was reminded of the great strength that comes from vulnerability. I was being asked to embody the very essence of the Descent into Truth: To let go of who we think we are or need to be, to feel the deepest darkest feelings, and to trust in that which can’t be seen. And in that space of utter surrender where all is stripped away, what remains is Truth. And what Truth reveals is the Love within that always guides the way.
One of the Initiates from the Descent shared about that time:
“In the minutes leading up to today’s group call I almost decided not to attend because everything felt so overwhelming. I wanted to tell you that the way you opened the circle with tears and vulnerability made me feel and deeply know that I was in the right place, and I think everyone felt soothed to know that they didn’t have to hide anything they were feeling. Thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge and your insight with such a strong sense of grounded-ness.”
We made it through the initiation of the Underworld, ascending back into the upper world. We re-birthed ourselves into a new reality. A powerful sacred circle was established through our shared experience, and it was evident we had indeed been initiated into something greater than could be fully understood or seen. The loving bond formed during that time remains. It was the most humbling, incredible experience I’ve had yet of the beauty and power that is birthed from vulnerability.
Post-Descent, the message was strong and clear that I was to go deeper into my own depths while not holding a container. After many years of devoted, very consistent holding of space for others, I was being asked to focus on myself outside of that work. I was being asked to merge more deeply with the unknown by letting go of my usual, visible ways of engaging with the world (including my weekly newsletters to you). It has been an on-going process of stripping identities and allowing the mystery to guide the way forward, truly not knowing what comes next. I’ve been in a state of deep clearing/healing/purging of self and physical space, tending to life details that have needed my attention for a very long time, strengthening my infrastructure, and taking on new meaningful commitments (including a year-long certification program which I’m so excited about) to balance the service I offer so that I may receive and learn from others.
The journey into the Underworld was a transformative process for all of us who committed, and I am still processing what’s shifted in me, as the world continues to shift. It changed me in unexpected ways. In many respects, it feels as if everything is new: A new body, a new way of seeing, a new way of hearing, a new taste of life, a new voice.
This past season has been a great reminder of how the time I take time for myself strengthens my ability to be in service to you. Though I’ve been taking this space for myself, my commitment to my service to you and world has remained steadfast. Yet, there remains a quality of vulnerability in my writing to you again after so much time has passed in light of the intensity of these times. And yet, that vulnerability shows me I am right on track.
Time and again I am shown that vulnerability is my greatest strength. Our greatest strength. And that one of the greatest gifts I have to share with others is to be that example, and to be that source of encouragement and guidance for others to surrender and to trust in the unknown.
The journey of transformation is still underway, and the work continues in cycles. The gifts of self-discovery are found in authentic vulnerability and the willingness to show up for the most challenging aspects of life and who we are. To turn away from the challenge, from the discomfort, is to turn away from knowing yourself more authentically and the opportunity to heal, strengthen, and grow.
In these heartbreaking, extraordinary times, we have the ultimate opportunity to access our greatest strength within.
Now that I’ve had deep integration of Descent Into Truth and I’ve taken solid space and time for my own next-level healing, processing, and listening, I have been hearing the call to re-engage and create more sacred containers for our beloved community. With the shift in seasons, I’m feeling my creative energies surging!
I’m warming up my writing and my voice to share again from the authentic space I’m in now, and knowing what great shifts may be up ahead in the next couple of months, I am grateful for my readiness to offer a new in-depth immersion this Winter to help you move through these changing times in a supported container. I’ll send out the official announcement regarding the details next week, so keep an eye out for it! And in the meanwhile, here’s a little hint in the form of a new video I just made.
Thank you for being here, for reading my words when there is so much energy flooding our inboxes. I am in complete gratitude for your presence at this moment, and for all you do to bring healing and strength to your life and thus the world. There is much more I look forward to giving voice to in response to these current times, though for now, may this communication from my heart serve to bring your own heart healing today. May you be blessed in all you do today.
Jai Durga Maa!
I love you,
Angela