The Truth of My Darkness

I know I am not alone in the dissolving of life as I’ve known it. Mine has predominately been an experience of inner dismantling of the self, but it has certainly manifested in my external reality as well. 2019 has been an unprecedented time of collective undoing and my personal experiences really kicked in full force starting last December 2018. Since that time, the universe has continuously worked me to no end. It has been a deeply painful passage filled with grief, confusion, heartbreak, loss, self-doubt, anger, devastation, and struggle to support myself.

In the depths of it, I came to a place of genuine despair. I came to a place of giving up on my guidance and believing I was separate from the Divine. I questioned absolutely every aspect of myself and what this life is and why we are here.

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The Path of the Open Heart ~ Cacao Medicine

The biggest journey we can take is the one that leads us into the heart, where we learn what love really is. Over many years I have devoted myself to strengthening self-love and learning how to truly love myself. It all began with my arrival in the desert where I unknowingly planted myself on the most expansive healing journey of my life. I found myself guided into deep work opening the heart through different modalities and practices that helped me find true love within.

Through this work I let go of searching for love outside of myself.


The heart opening tools I work with continuously strengthen my capacity for unconditional love and compassion towards others, and most importantly myself. I work with ancient mantras, meditations, daily self-care practices, loving nourishment, and Cacao medicine.

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I Found The Milky Way Within Me

In honor of the New Moon, I shared a Cacao Ceremony as I always do to best work with these natural cycles. Virgo is the archetype of the Priestess, the Healer, and the humble Servant, and I felt these energies in full force in my body as I prepared for the ceremony. I offer these heart-opening ceremonies regularly, and have done so with devotion for the last few years. This particular ceremony expanded my awareness around the power of this offering, and how the authentic embodiment of my personal daily rituals has become my way of being in sacred service to others. What was once a private daily Cacao Ceremony for myself in the beginning has evolved into an act of service for my local community, it is an expansion of my spiritual practice shared to help others in their healing.

Long before Cacao came into my life, I was always creating ceremony daily, ritualizing all aspects of life and aligning with the Divine in all things, which has ultimately become the foundation of all of my offerings. I see how many of my own personal practices and rituals have become my greater work in the world. I see how being in service to myself has expanded into being in sacred service to others. I see how the stillness and peace I have cultivated within myself through my spiritual practices has become a powerful foundation for the sacred containers I create for others.

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You Are The Oracle

The first time the role of Oracle was seen in me by another, my entire being lit up in recognition of something I did not know. While I’ve always been intuitive, living in solitude in the desert increased my awareness around my ability to divine higher information and energy, and it was an inner awareness which I’d never spoken about to others but now had a name. The word Oracle was so ancient, so mysterious, so compelling.

My awakening to the mysterious Oracle aspect of myself is a fascinating journey of divine synchronicities that ultimately lead me to discover a brand new Oracle mystery school training program, the first of its kind. After about a year of training and developing my abilities as well as another year of serving as my mentor’s apprentice, I was already underway in doing work as an Oracle, tools and practices well-honed and gently beginning to share divine guidance I received with the world. As someone who had lived for years in desert solitude, and even prior to desert living took to the more introverted side of living and expression, these were significant leaps for me out of my comfort zone.

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The Power of Your Womb Chakra

What is more mysterious on this planet than the Womb? When I first heard about the Womb Chakra, in a single breath something changed within me. I knew the Chakra system, but I had never heard of a Womb Chakra. The mystery of the physical Womb suddenly magnified into something even far more mysterious. The inexplicable draw to know more compelled me to follow a path I knew nothing about initially. I did not foresee myself becoming an initiate of the Womb Chakra teachings and blessed with the ability to facilitate healing to others through this work.

I am drawn into the most mysterious of mysteries- it is my nature. While longtime known spiritual teachings and lineages are full of enough mystery to make my heart sing for lifetimes, there are also new ancient teachings coming forth at this time of great transformation on our planet. The Divine Mystery becomes even more mysterious, as ancient secrets allow themselves to be known again.

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MY DESERT EDUCATION

It took 30 years for me to begin to live authentically. I am a college-educated woman on an awakened path who began dismantling old structures and beliefs and fully plunging into this work in 2011 when I left behind all I knew and moved from the city to live in an isolated part of the desert in solitude. I found myself deep in spiritual practice, tending to all aspects of living and daily reality on my own - a radical shift from life pre-desert. My healing, self-care, and spiritual practice exists in direct tandem to daily chores, building my work, and supporting myself as I learn continuously how I can best be in service and embody my divine purpose more and more everyday. It's a brand new reality from life as I knew it before, and it's still evolving.

My heart-path is a highly unique and uncharted journey, and it’s as mysterious to me as it certainly appears to others. It requires a tremendous amount of trust, surrender, and devotion. It requires showing up everyday for myself, for my work, for my service to others. And truthfully I am challenged by this way of being in the world every day. I have taken on a lot of responsibility in the name of this heart-guided path. There are no guidelines for me to follow other than my own guidance, and I am learning every step of the way as I pave my own authentic path.

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ECLIPSE INTEGRATION GUIDE + NEW MOON RITUAL

The Eclipses impacted each of us in different ways, and some of us know quite clearly what was dismantled in our lives. It might’ve been a very literal letting go of a person, job, or place. Or it might’ve been more internal emotional experiences of letting go of old beliefs and constructs. For others, maybe it’s totally unclear how the Eclipses impacted your life. And the truth of it is that many of us may not know for quite some time what the impact has been, as it might take the next 3-6 months for the changes to reveal themselves to you in form.

The effects of Eclipses last for the following 6 months, and this particular portal was of life-changing proportion beyond the typical energies. What you released during these Eclipses is permanent. This is your evolution and expansion taking place. You still might be reeling from the process, but do your best to remember this is all for your greater good, truly.

So what happens now that we’re out of the Eclipse portal?

Now, we integrate.

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The Unshakeable Foundation ~ Lunar Eclipse

Just a couple of days into this Eclipse portal, my region experienced earthquakes. 3 quakes happened within two days (the strongest measuring 7.1 and 6.4, occurring in Ridgecrest CA, about 150 miles from where I live) and many of us felt the literal shaking of the foundations of our lives. The moment I realized an earthquake was happening the first time (as I was sitting in a healing session with a client) immediately I felt the cosmic perfection of intense and unpredictable life shifts individually and collectively expressed in this way. All of the internal emotional upsets and breakdowns and upheaval that are being felt by so many people being expressed by Mother Earth. As it always goes: As above, so below. I felt the beauty of this interconnectedness of everything.

Naturally, especially so after the second large quake happened the next day, the local focus and conversations turned towards earthquake preparedness. There was an energy of panic, of great concern of more to come. Of not having proper resources, of not being prepared in the face of disaster. Of survival. I found myself looking around my homestead cabin way out in the middle of the desert, wondering what practical measures I might need to take. What I noticed was a shift of focus occurring within me, simply feeling unconcerned for the physical structure and water supply and rushing to fill my gas tank. For myself, the focus naturally shifted to inner preparedness, assessing whether the internal foundations are strong and secure and well-stocked.

And what I noticed was an underlying energetic of peace within me.

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SUMMER SURRENDER: Total Solar Eclipse + New Video

Beloved,

We find ourselves in an especially charged time as the Sun takes center stage in the sky. For those of us in the northern hemisphere, Summer Solstice marks the peak of the Sun’s energy. While the days are gradually shortening post-Summer Solstice, the Sun still dominates the next couple of months with the abundance of light and heat showering our days. We also have a Total Solar Eclipse approaching that gives us an opportunity to experience what happens when our planet is totally blocked from the energy of the Sun.

The guidance of the Summer Sun asks us to surrender to its light and its heat. Let the Sun illuminate what needs to be seen in your life and in your heart. As life continues to increase in intensity and overwhelm, let the heat slow you down to take time to tune inward, and be honest with yourself about what needs to be changed in your life that does not align with your truth. This call for surrender is one of the great gifts that the challenges the hot summers brings: The gift of slowing down enables you to rest and reflect. This is part of the natural cycle, to take downtime in the hottest part of the year to both integrate all that has happened thus far in 2019, and to recognize what is no longer serving and needs to be released. By honoring the seasons and shifts in energy, by truly slowing down and finding stillness in the intensity of Summer, you will find yourself able to enter the Fall season with renewed direction, strength, and vitality.

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The Wounded Masculine ~ Father's Day, Full Moon, and Fire

Beloved, 

As it goes these days, there’s a lot of activity in the world right now! A Full Moon in Sagittarius rises tomorrow, June 17th, Summer Solstice peaks on Friday the 21st, and today we honor the fathers in our lives. This is all an emphasis on masculine energy and an invitation to explore our relationship with the masculine.

It can be a common experience for holidays or any kind of nationally acknowledged focus on something to be potentially triggering for us individually. Father’s Day might activate something for you or others close to you that feels uncomfortable. Taken at face value, we look to the Father in our life, who may or not be present for many reasons. Even if present, it might be a complex relationship. For men, the focus of the Father might bring up something difficult internally to process about viewing themselves in this role, children or no children.

For myself, my father passed away 7 years ago exactly, the day after Father’s Day 2012 in fact. So this day indeed holds quite a bit of energy for me, and I have the opportunity to see what comes up for me around my father. Perhaps I’ll find there’s more healing to do around his transition and the circumstances. Perhaps I’ll allow myself to go back to those last moments with my father, where I and my siblings and his wife all surrounded him and held him and witnessed his final breath. Perhaps I will find something new within myself about our relationship. He may have something to communicate with me today. I’m going to give it the space and time to listen and allow myself to receive.

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Finding Peace Within the Winds of Change

Beloved,

The end of Spring winds are ushering in, clearing the path for a new season to begin. Life is changing at a rapid speed, and with so much being swept up to the surface to be dealt with, it’s incredibly important to remember how to keep steady while navigating the unknown path.

By aligning yourself with the natural cycles of the universe, you’re able to work with continuous opportunities to come into clarity about what isn’t working for you anymore and what it is that you intend to embody moving forward. The Moon cycle supports each of us in this process, and taking a moment to tune in with the New Moon and Full Moon as they continuously come, you continuously come into present time and assess where you are in your journey, what needs to be refined, what needs to be released, what needs to be celebrated. The divine design of the Moon cycle helps you to do just that on-going, because change is the fundamental dynamic we must continuously learn how to embrace in this life.

Isn’t it beautiful to know that with all that changes in your life, that it’s the greater cosmic cycles that you can always count on for support? The daily foundation of the rising and setting Sun, and the 28-day cycle of the Moon moving through her phases are both the embodied examples and teachers of continuous change, yet you are also able to count on them for their steadfast divine support. While you may not know where you’ll be in two weeks from tomorrow’s New Moon, you do know that there will be a Full Moon then who will be there waiting for you wherever you may be in your path! And if this New Moon passes you by without the opportunity for you to connect with your intentions, you can count on another New Moon being there for you in 28 days.

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STRENGTH THROUGH SIMPLE SELF-CARE

Beloved,

We have just experienced a transformational Full Moon in Scorpio on Saturday, May 18th, a day that also marked the celebration of the life journey of the Buddha (known as Buddha Purnima: his birth, enlightenment, and death) that serves as a greater reminder for our own personal journeys of how we may consciously engage with this gift of life.

There are deeply profound changes taking place within each of us, and we see the changes occurring in the external world around us. Scorpio is deep dark water that wants us to embrace the truth found in the shadow aspects of ourselves. Even when triggered by external circumstances, we have the opportunity to gain control by looking at that which is activating us and seeing what is asking for healing within our own selves. This recent energy is deeply emotional and intense, and through the acceptance of that which is part of us, we experience healing. We transform into greater, more whole versions of ourselves. This Scorpio Full Moon helps us to face unresolved pain so that we may ultimately be able to love ourselves more fully.

This is where our own liberation is found.

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TRANSFORMATION BY FIRE ~ NEW ORACLE VIDEO

Beloved,

Did you see the Sun rise today? This sacred time of day offers each of us the blessed daily opportunity to come into alignment, balance, and peace, setting us up to begin the day in harmonious relationship with nature, with ourselves, and with the world. At a time when so much is uncertain in life, you can always count on the rising of the Sun. By connecting with the Sunrise regularly, you invite in a relationship with that which is greater than you and which showers you with great healing and unconditional love.

Alongside daily sacred Sunrises, there is much happening in the sky, in the world, and in our lives. The wild energy of these days is directing us to find our inner balance, peace, and harmony within no matter what is happening on the outside.

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TRUST THE TRUTH OF YOUR HEART

Beloved,

I invite you to take a deep breath right now. If you are standing, take a moment to have a seat if possible. Take a moment to be fully present as you read this. Feel yourself in the place you are sitting now. Notice every place where your body makes a connection to the ground, through the chair, the floor, the earth. Feel the sensation of this connection, feel yourself grounded by the earth that always supports you.

Bring your awareness back to your breath. I invite you to now take three long breaths in and out. Feel yourself coming into peace with each breath. Feel yourself coming into stillness. Feel the expansiveness of your lungs as they fill with air, and then release the air. Feel the sensation of each inhale and exhale, feel the breath that is always cycling within you.

Place your hand over your heart, and feel the rhythm of your heartbeat. If you can, place both hands there now. Notice the rhythm that your heartbeat makes. Close your eyes and feel this rhythm. Feel this vibration that is always running within you. Listen to this vibration.

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THE SHADOW OF SUMMER + EXCITING EVENTS!

THE SHADOW OF SUMMER + EXCITING EVENTS!

Beloved,

The summer has been hot. This marks my 8th summer spent full time in the desert, and while the heat isn’t necessarily any different from years past, and while I certainly know how to embrace the heat, the nature of these potent times makes the heat feel hotter. There has been a lot of fatigue, a lot of sweat, and a lot of shadow cast by the most light-filled days of the year here. There is so much being released during this time, through sleep, through sweat, through surrender. The shadow of summer is something I've come to embrace as a natural part of my life in the desert, but this time is different. The amplification of intense energies are felt by everyone, everywhere.

It’s been a summer like no other.

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Forgiveness as Self-Love

Beloved,

Love is receiving an extra amount of attention today for Valentine's Day, and if you are like me, you know that really this day is no different from any other day. Love is ever-present and abundant and worthy of celebration and appreciation daily. Still, it is beautiful to have a calendar-marked day that generates a boost of collective focus on this ever-pulsing presence of Love.

If you know me, you know I love Love. I embody Love, I am Love. Love for myself is the foundation for my daily life and self-care practices. Self-Love is the core of my work and offerings for others that comes from years of devoting myself to inner work and my journey of awakening. Every aspect of my healing and expansion becomes a gift not only for myself, but those around me. In this letter, I offer a gift to you of what I feel to be a foundational stone for Self-Love.

About five years ago, I was in a deep fasting state alone in my desert home on a hot summer day. I was reclined on my couch, staring at the ceiling, sweating and contemplating matters of the heart. Someone from my past had mildly resurfaced and reactivated feelings of heartache that I had believed were healed, completed and behind me. As I struggled with the surprising emotions surfacing that seemed out of proportion for the present circumstances, I asked myself why would someone I believed I was ‘over’ activate so much in my heart? Why was I feeling so much over someone who I now saw so clearly as one who was not in alignment for me, not someone I cared to spend time with any longer? Hadn’t I done the work, learned the lessons already? What more is there to heal?

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